I have been on a Journey over the past few years. One I didn’t know even was a thing in all honestly. Trying to figure out who in the world I really am. Am I just a melting pot of what other people have told me I am or “should ” be, am I just a victim to whatever life throws my way, OR do I get to be the warrior of my own story and CHOOSE.
The next question that always seemed to come up was, what about my mental illnesses. How can I become who I am meant to be when what is “wrong with me” is always there? What if I was holding so tight to the excuses that “I couldn’t help it” that I just kept becoming more and more of what I thought I was told I was, DEPRESSED.
I grew up never knowing “who I was”. Like it was something that just happens, and you come out of the womb instantly know your purpose the moment you are born. Life keeps coming at us and we are formed into whatever the result of our circumstances are, what we are labeled as, etc. Never knowing that WE actually get to choose who we are and what we want to do with our lives.
I KNOW depression and mental illness are very real. I have been working on overcoming them since before I can remember. I know that some days it feels like you are trying to get out of bed, but its like you are chained there. When I was 19 I went to live with my amazing grandparents for 6 months. I was just out of High School, didn’t know what I wanted to do (thought I was to stupid for Collage), AND my boyfriend and best friend at the time broke my heart in two by running away with his ex! HARSH I know!
Life was a mess, so my mom suggested I get a change of scenery and move in with my grandparents. I just remember SLEEPING and watching TV ALL DAY. I think I got up to work, go out and drink, or get a different movie (this was before Netflix friends lol). I had no passion and I had no idea who I was. I was using different harmful things to numb life and stay distracted. The point is I get it in so many ways beautiful.
What I am leaning though is SO POWERFUL, if we will allow it to be. My new theory is because I was so disconnected from myself and from the world around me, there was NO WAY I could find my passion for life and figure out who I was. THAT is it! Its about really thinking about who you want to be, and in your “dream version” of you what are you like? You CAN choose. Yes God has a purpose for our lives and he is ultimately in control, but He gave us the power of choice. He gave us everything we need to become who we know He made us to be.
Its not a “easy out” by any means. Once we know who we want to be and what we truly want for our lives, we start to focus on the things that support that version of us. We have a driving force to get there.
I have been stopping and asking myself a lot “how would my best self behave right now?”. And it sounds crazy but it works! It will take time, love, and work but you CAN do this. You were not put here buy our amazing Father to just survive and be the victim of life. You my love were meant to be that WARRIOR I know you can be. Fight for your life and I will fight right a long side of you. There will be harder days, and days where you feel on top of the world and down in a pit all in a matter of hours (me yesterday haha).
What you can do now: know your not alone. Ask for help, get a coach, a therapist, bring a friend a long and be each others support, read, grow, start taking care of yourself! Do the things you love to do and don’t worry about what others will think (they will get happy again). Its YOUR life, now how do you want to live it and find YOUR PASSION again?